i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
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