...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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