He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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