I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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