the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize