My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
