That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
