I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
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