check it out our google latitudes are spooning
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
BRING THE BAGELS
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Randomize
