I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
