I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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