Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
