The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize