And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
