Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Randomize
