We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Randomize
