you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize