goodnight i made you a song goodbye
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
