I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Randomize
