eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
