my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize