So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Randomize
