Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
In America we eat man semen.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
