Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
