she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
whose ass print is on the piano?
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Randomize
