To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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