omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
40s are totally the cure
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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