Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
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