is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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