I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Randomize
