how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
