im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
