we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
