hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
