Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Randomize
