If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
