The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
