Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
