Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
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