so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Randomize
