I accidentally had phone sex last night
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize