There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
he was CRYING into my vagina
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
