Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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