I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
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