Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
