My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
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