Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Randomize
