My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
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