as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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