I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
He passed out mid-signature
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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