i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize