I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
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