So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
