I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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