Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
