I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
