genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Randomize