dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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