fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
