Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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