I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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