Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
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