he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
