All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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