im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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