I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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