i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
