i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
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