fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize