why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
