Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Randomize
