she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
The struggles of a small town man whore
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
