I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
