that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
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