You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
