I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
