Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
false alarm, still single
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