I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
