I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
