Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
