i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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