and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I'm at about main and main street
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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