im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
My vagina is officially offended.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Randomize
