I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
