Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Randomize
