I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
