I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Randomize
