It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
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