chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Can I color on your dick again?
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Randomize
