You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize