So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
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