my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
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