i love accidental penises.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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