today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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