i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
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