My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Randomize
