I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
I'm really busy with my period
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
Randomize
