This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
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