I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
My vagina is officially offended.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
