I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
