ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Randomize
