Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
50% drunk capacity currently
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Randomize
